Archives for posts with tag: movies

“One thing this job has taught me over the years: Don’t eat the f*cking candy.”
— Hansel (Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters)

Sometime before he shot the then-hotly-anticipated Bourne Legacy and future blockbuster Avengers, Jeremy Renner did Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. It’s coming out later this month. And it looks terrible.

HANSEL & GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS

“I signed on to this because it was my first chance to be the lead of a big Hollywood movie. But I think I just realized this script is stupid. Is there any way I can get out of this contract?”
“Hmmm. No.”

Sadly, I may have to watch it. Or do I? Yes, I cannot resist JRen in black leather. And his pretty blue eyes almost — ALMOST — distracted me from cringing while I watched the trailers. However, as my friend Sheila says, by watching our favorite actors’ bad movies, we are only enabling them to make bad career choices.

And almost as though Hollywood wants to mock me even harder, Famke Janssen shows up.

(I hate you, Hollywood.)

Look, it’s already been established that all those “witches” people had been hunting down and burning for centuries were really just women who lived alone, and were maybe a little odd. Some of them may have even just shunned society because of its prevailing mandate that women should live to serve their husbands. Or just didn’t feel like going to Church together with the rest of the community. Hipsters, in other words.

{Read the full post at A Girl’s Guide to the Apocalypse.}

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“Her words are those of one whose hands are still clean. She is dreaming. The sword is a weapon for killing. No fine words will change that. But I vastly prefer Ms. Kaoru’s fond dreams to that of reality.” – Kenshin

Rurouni Kenshin

This blog post is going to fail in so many ways. For instance, I can’t even begin to properly write about the epicness that is the Rurouni Kenshin (“Kenshin the Wanderer”) live action movie.

I’d neither seen the anime, nor read the manga. But I happened to stumble on the trailer and I thought it looked really good. Then the rumors about it screening in the Philippines began to circulate, then SM announced they were showing it in their theaters. Four days before the opening day, half the seats had already been sold for the last full show in Megamall. So I caught it on the first day. Then watched it again the day after. And then again the next day. Thus began my slow descent into madness — as of writing this, I’d already seen it seven times in the theater since it opened in the Philippines last December 5.

Himura Kenshin was the assassin known as Battosai the Killer, on a mission from his clan to help defeat the forces of the Shogun, who was trying to hold on to power against the Emperor who was, in turn, trying to bring about a unified Japan under a modern, centralized government. Kenshin embraced the distasteful work of killing, for the promise of a new age of peace and rule of law. As soon as the Boshin war was over, he gave up his sword to be a rurouni — a wanderer — going around helping people. He had no home, just a mission to find peace within himself and atone for his past sins. Ten years later, a series of murders occur, seemingly by the killer Battosai, but it is only a small part of an emerging evil in Tokyo, and pretty soon Kenshin is forced to confront his past again.

I was trying to avoid doing a list, but I’m afraid it can’t be helped. Because I’ve seen it seven times, here are seven reasons why Rurouni Kenshin is awesome:

  1. The film is beautifully shot. I know next to nothing about how Japan looked in the Meiji era, but wow, was everything pretty, and not in an art-directed way. The costumes, the sets — they all looked, well, real. From the blood-soaked battlefields to the tranquil river scenes to the sandals on the characters’ feet.Rurouni Kenshin
    And don’t get me started on villain Kanryu’s study — I want one exactly like it, but I’m afraid I’ll probably start plotting evil things once I start hanging out there. (Sadly, I couldn’t find a decent pic online.)
  2. The language is pretty. The characters speak differently from how Japanese speak in the modern day — at least if the way characters speak in modern Japanese dramas is any indication. It was almost lyrical, although not cloying.
  3. The dialogue was extremely well written. You can appreciate it even if you don’t understand Japanese and only have the English subtitles to to go by.
  4. Satoh Takeru, who plays Kenshin, is gorgeous. Do not try to slap him, you’ll cut your hand on his cheekbones. Whenever the camera focuses on Kenshin’s cross scar on his cheek, we take it as an opportunity to porn his perfect pouty lips.rurouni_kenshin2

{Read the full post at A Girl’s Guide to the Apocalypse.}

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